the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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