mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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