You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize