And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
