and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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