did you get engaged???
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
