I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
