allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
