Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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