Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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