I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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