you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
