Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
