was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
