Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I currently don't understand fingers.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
