ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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