Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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