Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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