Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
