i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
