i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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