seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
