the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
