check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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