The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
