We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
