yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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