I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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