he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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