I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Mom said you looked used
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
