I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
