i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i'm inner monologue high
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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