AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
