we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
