Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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