the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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