kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
