God, you're like boner-b-gone
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
