If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
