one two three fourrrrnication!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
