girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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