My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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