I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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