I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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