i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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