I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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