I cockslap morals
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
