She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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