dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So squirting runs in the family.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
