Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
