if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
