I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
