I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
