Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm getting married
To pizza
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
