i was rollin on her like bob the builder
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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