Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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