so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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