I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
