Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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